Issue 12 Is Here

This Thursday, August 11, Elizabeth Gumport and Dayna Tortorici left Brooklyn and returned approximately twelve hours later with many thousands of issues—and the most extensive report on the trip to and from Sheridan, Pennsylvania that we have ever received.

DT: The handsome young Hasid at the U-Haul place offered me fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies and coffee with non-dairy creamer for breakfast while I waited to check out the van. The place also had a waterfall/koi pond out front with a sign that said HOTEL FOR FROGS, EST 2003.

EG:  I had chicken nuggets and considerable amounts of sugar, unbleached flour, riboflavin, and cocoa processed with alkali.

DT: Elizabeth brought an entire backpack full of Oreos, and I ate more of those than I’d like to admit. “Hanover” autocorrects on my phone to “hangover,” which is how I felt after eating so many cookies.

EG: Hanover was blissful.

DT: There were at least two Chili’s, which made locating ourselves on Google Maps a challenge.

EG: Topics covered during the drive: the number of Chili’s in Hanover, PA; how verdant Staten Island is (very); biological sex as class; class-action lawsuits; this song; sexual surveillance; good personalities, bad personalities, and the people who have them; how to drive and why. Questions asked and answered: What is a watershed? Would you rather have someone a) write a poem about you b) write a song about you c) paint a picture of you or d) take your photograph? Where should we have lunch?

DT: I also found out that Elizabeth used to work at the zoo.

EG: Rabbits aren’t rodents, they’re lagomorphs.

DT: We saw a sign off a two-lane highway for “quilts + pigeons—1 mile” and decided to pull off the road and get n+1 a homing pigeon. When we saw that the street toward said quilts and pigeons was called “Kunkel Road,” we took it as a good sign. After driving half a mile off the map, though, we realized we were driving straight into a horror movie and turned around. We paid for our mistake in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the 222.

In short, Issue 12 is here. Order it now.


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